You can only be you, you can always return to you.

It's never too late.

I used to cry a lot. Not so long ago. And before that, I was quiet. All bound up in emotions so strong, I daren’t let them out. I didn’t trust how they would play out; I was fearful they would do damage. Before the quietness, I was angry, oh so angry. I would lash out, scream, and shout, and others didn’t like it. In truth, I didn’t like it either; it was destructive to me and my relationships. But I knew it had to come out. And then after it had, after the destruction. I went quiet. Because I didn’t understand, I didn’t have the tools, the awareness to process what had happened and what kept happening, in my mind, my heart, and my body.

Until I did, until I had to. Before, there was nothing left to destroy and nothing left of me…of my authenticity.

Underneath all the tears and screams, beneath all the anger. My soul still spoke to me, sometimes loudly, other times it only whispered, “This is not in vain, all this.”

“There is reason, you have a reason, you need to peel all this back, to slowly return to you.”

“So you can live your reason.”

The voice of my soul rarely left me. At times it tortured me, in the mornings after the nights, I tried to escape through drink and drugs, through tobacco and sex. In those times, it came back with a vengeance, jumping in with the orchestra that thumped out a tune in my temples and churned out a sickly song in my stomach.

It danced with the traumatic energy that was still held in my body and performed an erratic tap dance with my nervous system.

Until I paused to listen and stopped running away, until the pain of repeating it all was less appealing than being with it all.

Until I just allowed it. And stopped fearing it.

Until I had had enough.

Until I created the space to listen to what I had needed to do all along.

To reconnect, to take back my power. To remember who I was. And to accept that I didn’t need to do it all alone. To release the control, to trust in God, source, the universe, a higher power. Whatever you want to call it, I care not.

You see, when you experience pain that sears your heart, it often separates you from your soul, the all-knowing, your truth, and your real identity. Through a rejection of self. Through the thoughts and words that speak of confusion…

“If I were enough, they wouldn’t have done it.”

“If I were lovable, they would have loved me.”

“If I were worthy, they would have given it to me.”

In experiencing pain from the hands and words of others, we reject ourselves.

“I must need to be someone else, or this wouldn’t have happened”-The lie.

So we take the path away from ourselves, and with each step, we suffer more.

Until we turn back, peel away the layers, and strip ourselves bare.

And it’s in the return, in choosing ourselves, that we remember. Who we are, and how we are supposed to be living. We begin to feel our power pour back into us by opening the door and allowing ourselves to live again. To feel again. To be us, again.

And that’s when the light comes on and the reconnection takes place. Each step towards ourselves brightens the light and shines on our truth. Illuminating it. And before you know it, the need to control the emotions that have threatened to destroy us no longer exists. Because the emotions are no longer there, as they were. Instead, they have transformed, been alchemised into love and power.

And it’s with this love and power that we can lift others to live our reason for being. And the soul rejoices.

“At last, you are living in your true identity, you are no longer hiding behind ‘The lie.”

“Promise you won’t allow yourself to return to the identity of The lie, by leaving again, you have so much to do, so much to share. So much faith to live by. So much to create.”

And the wonder of it all is you are not doing it alone. Because God, source, the universe, is with you. Always. Loving you, supporting you, guiding you.

Each time you are tempted by your memory of the past, take responsibility for what others did or didn’t do, and blame yourself. Don’t. Because your true identity and connection will follow and be swallowed up, once more.

Living authentically is the only way. There is no other. And if you are struggling with this right now, you are not alone. Besides the many others who are trying to return and walk their purpose, you also have me and God, the source, the universe. Whatever you wish to call it.

To guide you back, to support you on your return to your true identity and your power.

Indeed, the return is often painful, but if your reason for being wasn’t so important to the world, it wouldn’t be this way.

✨So if it’s time to return to your true identity, to alchemise your emotions, then I am inviting you to join me in my live training on Thursday, 17th July at 11.00 CEST. Where we will begin the journey back to you...and your power.

This training is for anyone who does not yet feel they are fully connected to their truth. Regardless of the healing work they have done so far.

✨This training is FREE and precedes further trainings for those who wish to fully alchemise the past and live as their full authentic powerful self.

With much love

Nic xx